If you’re looking for the video clip or lyrics for a song by Tank, the links are below. This post is about something entirely different…
When shit happens
Do you remember as a kid how you used to get worked up whenever something bad happened to you? It was unfair, it was wrong, there was just no rhyme or reason for it happening to you, right? How dare it!
Then as you grew older, you went one of two ways.
Either you joined the “why me?” crowd, believing life was inflicting all kinds of unfairness on you for no good reason (if that’s you, you probably won’t enjoy this blog, so feel free to scroll straight down the bottom for those song links), or
You stopped questioning why it was happening to you, and started believing that maybe it was happening because of something you did, or didn’t do. Before too long you started accepting that these things were your lot in life, and you just had to cope with it. Obviously you didn’t deserve any better, no matter how hard you tried to live your life right. You gave up fighting it, and learnt to let life happen.
The movie “The Secret” must have confused the hell out of you…
It’s just a phase
The movie wasn’t wrong about creating your reality, but that doesn’t mean that you’ve been directly causing yourself all this grief. The truth is, your reality does reflect what you believe you deserve. Every time you accept people treating you badly, let yourself get handed the raw end of a deal or even just bite your tongue at inconsiderate behaviour, you’re reinforcing a belief somewhere deep down inside you that you deserve that kind of treatment. So it keeps happening. As long as you accept it happening the spiral will continue downwards. In that sense, you have been creating it for yourself.
But you can reverse direction.
The good news is that you can stop the spiral, and start to build up your sense of value just the same way. Every time you stand up for yourself, even if it’s just insisting on the right change at the shops, or tapping someone on the shoulder who’s cut in front of you, you’re telling your deepest beliefs that you are worth consideration, that you deserve to be treated well. The more you do it, and reinforce that belief, the more your circumstances will turn around and you’ll start finding that life does treat you better.
The Best Bit
The real joy of the deal comes into play once you start deliberately adjusting your beliefs to change your reality. That’s when you take control of what your life will look like. You really do set your own limits. It’s not just your thoughts about how people treat you that are open to being adjusted, either. I’ve successfully adjusted my income upwards to almost double my previous salary, not once but THREE times, just by working on my ideas of what I believed I was worth. You can start attracting the kind of relationships you want, the kind of place you want to live – I’ve done all of these. It all comes down to finding and changing your beliefs, then letting the world adjust to match them.
So, to get back to the bottom line: by looking around you at what your life is like, what do you learn about your beliefs of what you deserve? Are they set too low to allow you to get what you want to achieve?
Some Small First Steps
I’ve already given some ideas above, talking about insisting on your change or your place in line, but here’s a few more ideas for small steps you can take to start building that sense of deserving right back up again.
- Let someone buy you coffee/tea/your drink of choice. Just smile and say ‘thank you’, and accept it like you deserve it.
- Eating out on a short lunch break? Try telling the restaurant when you have to be back, and insist on getting your order fast-tracked.
- Too much on your plate and now someone wants you to do more? Tell them you’re too busy right now, and suggest someone else who might be able to help them (or if there isn’t anyone, tell them when you might be able to fit it in, or ask your supervisor to decide on which of your current jobs you should drop/push back for them)
- Tell everyone at home you’re taking an hour break – run yourself a bath, or put your feet up with a book – keep the door locked and do what YOU want to do, just for yourself.
- Use affirmations and tell yourself repeatedly that you are worth so much more.
- Next time someone makes the offhand comment to you that you’re worth more money, ask them light-heartedly if you can have that in writing, to take in to your next salary negotiation. Whether or not you get a piece of paper, you’ve triggered your mind to focus on the fact that someone thinks you’re worth more than you’re getting.
- Crowded bus/train? If your rules are like ours, students are supposed to give up their seats to full fare passengers. Make one of them stand up and give their seat to you, and (here’s the tough bit) DON’T be apologetic. It’s your due.
What step are you going to take first? One of these, or something else? Share your ideas & commit to your actions in the comments below – we’d all love to hear from you.
I promised, so here’s the links to the music video and the lyrics of the song. It’s not a favourite of mine, but enjoy…